new developments

For years, if not forever, I was unable to have an orgasm during sex that was not in missionary position. How boring, right? Sure, I love all positions and enjoy running the gamut of gymnastics during, but at the very end, when I'm ready to climax, I always say to my partner, "Flip me onto my back and fuck me until I cum." That's always just been the way it was, and nobody's ever complained. I mean, it's not like I only want to be fucked while on my back; I'm not a goddamn turtle.

I've been transitioning off my antidepressant after several years of being medicinally placated and what I've noticed is my sex drive has returned. With a vengeance. Like, it is Steven Seagal and penises are the bad guys who raped and killed his teenage daughter. OK, that was a terrible simile but let's not quibble. What I'm trying to say is, for the past few years, I was like, an orgasmic dromedary, able to carry on without masturbating or having sex for weeks, if not months. It just didn't occur to me, or, I was plain lazy. I actually used to think, "Man, I really should whack off but that would require some effort and my wrist could cramp up so...nah, time to just go to sleep."

So, cut to me now, completely overwhelmed with this flood of sensations in my pussy. I've become a chronic masturbator! And my beloved large blue dildo is getting its day in the sun (or in my cunt). Last night, I thought, why not try fucking it like it's attached to a guy who's on his back? In other words, instead of being a lazy fuck (no pun intended), get on up. So I did. And perhaps it was that I was so turned on and slick between my thighs, but within a few minutes, I was cumming hard, over and over again, in a position that I'd never been able to before. This is great news! Now I can't wait to fuck a penis attached to a real, live human being again (while not drunk) so that I can get the full experience.

And believe me you, my last serious boyfriend tried repeatedly to get me to orgasm while in doggy style, or with me on top, but it just wasn't working. And before anyone blames him, it just was never possible with anyone else either. This is like having a mediocre mobile phone for years and then discovering it has some applications that are kind of amazing, like it will give you a breathalyzer before you make any drunk dials. Did I just liken my body to a fucking cell phone? Whatever.

Now to go ensure it wasn't just a lark...