Thursday, July 16, 2009

the dynamic

Someone asked me today, "What is it exactly that you're looking for?" and my response was not succinct or eloquent.
"I guess an ongoing exploration of the D/s dynamic," i replied.
"Like what?" he pressed.
"Bondage, having my boundaries pushed, I don't know...stuff."

Some people may suggest that this is something I could explore with just anyone as long as there is trust and respect. But no, I wouldn't want to engage in this exploration of sexuality with someone who is doing it to appease my desires. I want my partner to be experienced and actually enjoy what he is doing, not be a friend or lover who shrugs and says, "Yeah, OK, sure I'll tie you up" and looks alarmed by the fifty feet of nylon rope that you've removed from a closet or drawer. It's like doing the dishes after your partner has made dinner - you just feel obligated into doing it. That's not fun at all. Worse yet are the guys who are laboring under the misapprehension that "submissive" means I want to be degraded, humiliated or treated like a fuck hole. It's not about that, at least with me. There is a sensuality to being teased and dominated. There are psychologically appealing aspects to D/s and that is what I find most intriguing. I don't want to be used as a rutting source and toilet. Hey, if you're into that, cool, but it's just not my thing.

Tomorrow I am meeting with an older European man who is experienced in the Dominant/submissive realm. I think he's German. Oh, those kinky Teutons! Fret not, for we shall be meeting in a public space where we can inspect one another and determine if we are compatible before proceeding.